Biking
I fell, and really that is stating it nicely. When I say I fell, I mean that I fell as if someone had dropped me off the roof of a house and apparently I must have thrashed like a fish in the process because there is not one inch of my body that doesn’t hurt and have a bruise from the incident. But luckily I had time in the falling process to angle my knee precisely to slam it directly into the asphalt, absorbing the majority of the impact and inflicting maximum pain and bruising while simultaneously taking my other leg and scraping it against the bike pedal, leaving six scrape-bruises (that’s what I like to call them), bleeding and sore, all the while whimpering like a baby and cursing like a sailor.
I did get up, peel the bike off my battered body, get back on the bike, and proceed to fall immediately off, having just enough time to stick out my hand and hip to take the impact the second time, leaving those few remaining body parts that were unharmed from the first fall now pained, bruised and bleeding!!! Hey, I have an idea, let’s invent something that can go 30-plus miles per hour, let’s make the seat so uncomfortable that people have to wear tight pants with a pad in them so it feels like they are wearing a diaper, let’s make the tires so skinny that when they ride over a crack in the road there is the added danger of the tire getting wedged, hey, then let’s change the pedals so they have to wear shoes so they are clipped onto the death trap and CAN”T GET OFF. Stupid people, stupid me. As soon as this triathlon is over I am heaving the bike off a cliff.
PS Still not loving the biking!!
2 comments:
And it was all because of ME!! But in my defense you probably could have done some type of barrel roll to cushion your fall a little, but in the moment you probably were thinking something not appropriate for other commenters to see instead of, "how should I go about landing softly?" Oh, well this triathlon may kill us...
I would have done the barrel roll but my feet were still attached to the bike, which made it difficult to do much of anything. But I do blame you, and I will forgive you in a couple of days.
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